The Science of Relationships

Can scientific study of marriage teach us how to improve our business relationships?

In the December, 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review, Diane Coutu interviews psychologist John Gottman, whose systematic research and analysis of married couples has provided hard scientific evidence for what makes good relationships.

What he has discovered is that if you want a relationship to blossom and endure over time, then you'll need to demonstrate respect and focus on the positive qualities of the other party. In the workplace, that means working on the social glue that keeps relationships strong. As Gottman says, "within organizations, people have to see each other as human beings."

What must you avoid? Gottman refers to them as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. These four factors are the best predictors of a deteriorating relationship. Why? Because they communicate disgust.

Gottman continues: "You can’t resolve a conflict with your partner when you’re conveying the message that you’re disgusted with him/her. Inevitably, contempt leads to greater conflict and negativity. Our research also shows that people in contemptuous relationships are more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses—flu, colds, and so on—than other people. Contempt attacks the immune system; fondness and admiration are the antidotes."

Read the Executive Summary here.

Dr. Drug Rep

In this past Sunday's New York Times Magazine, a Dr. Carlat details (forgive the pun) the process by which he came to be a paid speaker for the pharma giant, Wyeth, and its anti-depressant drug Effexor.

Why this article? Because it is so loaded with effective examples of how the Principles of Persuasion operate that it almost drowns in them.

Here's an interesting statistic pulled from the article and highlights the pharma companies overt use of peers to influence the prescribing habits of physicians:

"How many doctors speak for drug companies? We don’t know for sure, but one recent study indicates that at least 25 percent of all doctors in the United States receive drug money for lecturing to physicians or for helping to market drugs in other ways. This meant that I was about to join some 200,000 American physicians who are being paid by companies to promote their drugs."

And what's the impact of these physicians speaking to their peers? Here's Carlat's take, after a few talks where he found he was influencing more than he was educating:

"I began to think that the money was affecting my critical judgement. I was willing to dance around the truth in order to make the drug reps happy. Receiving $750 checks for chatting with some doctors during a lunch break was such easy money that it left me giddy. Like an addiction, it was very hard to give up."

Having worked closely as a consultant with a number of pharmaceutical companies over the years, I've always believed that they are among the very best at leveraging the science of influence. In many ways, the pharma companies, whether they know it or not, have been the pioneers when it comes to influence and persuasion.

Read the full article here.

Cialdini at the RSA

Earlier this year, Dr. Cialdini traveled to the London and addressed members of the RSA - Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce. It was founded in 1754 and was granted a Royal Charter in 1847. Notable members have included Benjamin Franklin, Karl Marx, Adam Smith, William Hogarth, Charles Dickens and Guglielmo Marconi.

Notwithstanding its establishment credentials, the RSA has always been a radical body which has sought to challenge the status quo and change the world around it. Its founders spoke of the need to "embolden enterprise, enlarge science, refine art, improve our manufactures and extend our commerce", but also of the need to alleviate poverty and secure full employment.

In this RSA lecture, Professor Cialdini delivers a presentation on his recent research into the successful use of social norms to promote pro-environmental action.

It's a little on the long side for one listen, but there are some insightful comments, especially towards the end, when Cialdini conducts an unrehearsed Q & A with the audience. For those of you out there who speak on a regular basis, those Q & A sessions are often the true test of whether you're connecting with your audience. Cialdini nails it.

Download mp3 audio version (26MB audio file, bewa.

Click here to download a transcript of the lecture.

The Science of YES!

Last week, Dr. Cialdini traveled to the UK for the launch of his latest book, Yes! 50 Secrets from the Science of Persuasion.

On sale in the UK as of Novemeber, 2007, and to be released in North America in early 2008, the book identifies the small changes that can make a big difference to your powers of persuasion.

It is co-authored by Dr. Noah Goldstein and Steve Martin. Here's a quote from the authors:

"Yes! is structured around fifty chapters of 1000 words or so each with a practical take away, tip or strategy that anyone can apply to become more persuasive. There are new studies, new insights and we have included an extended final chapter about influence on the internet and influence across differing cultures."

The launch of the book also coincides with a series of podcasts and other goodies, which can all be found at the Science of Yes! website.

Judging from early reviews and comments, Yes! looks like a winner. Check out this review in the London Times.

What's Feeback Worth? Or, Kirkpatrick Levels 1 & 2

For the committed ones out there, I've decided to post the actual post-workshop evaluation summary of the last week's Principles of Persuasion workshop that we held at the McGill International Executive Institute. The ratings are among the highest we've ever seen.

This type of information is rarely shared with outsiders, but I thought it might give some of you a sense of what people are saying right after they finish the workshop.

Note that there are no individual attributions, so all the participants' identities are safe.

I'd like to know what you think: is this a good idea? Is it interesting?

What's Your Box of Crackers?

I've written before about the power of gifts, especially in how they relate to the principle of reciprocity. To refresh: reciprocity tells us that people feel obligated to give back to those who have given to them. In other words, once you've given something significant (and it need not be expensive by the way; in fact some of the most significant "gifts" you can offer to your customers, employees and colleagues actually cost no money at all!), you're able to create and foster more meaningful business relationships built upon the notion of mutual exchange.

Here's a clear example, courtesy of Read/WriteWeb and it illustrates the simple things that service and product providers can give in order to earn just a little bit more customer loyalty and ensure your current customers want to do business with you, and even more importantly, stay with you.

Once you've read the post, ask yourself this question: what did it cost FreshBooks to earn a "customer for a life and yet one more person to sing its praises to the masses"?

And one more thing to ask yourself: are the chances higher or lower that the Freshbooks user who received the crackers, Jonathan, will leave FreshBooks for another provider now that he's gone on the record publicly stating that he is a "customer for life"?

The Audacity of...?

Every once in a while I read something so nuanced, so well-crafted that I smile, and my faith in the news media is restored. This time I can't help but share this outrageously well-written piece from last week's New York Times Sunday Magazine entitled "Is (His) Biography (Our) Destiny?"

The parentheses alone are enough to make you wonder what this piece is about.

Well, I won't give it away - actually, no one can give this article away, the true pleasure is in how well-written it is - but here's the high-level: How is Hillary Clinton, with all her baggage, still sitting alone atop the Democratic presidential candidate polls, while Barack Obama struggles to get his message out?

Full disclosure: I am a Canadian citizen, and am not eligible to vote in US elections. I have not given money to either Barack or Hillary's campaigns, nor to the campaign of any other political candidate.

This is just a great piece that reminds me why I am addicted to the Times.

Gladwell's Back

His first two works, The Tipping Point and Blink, are brilliant, if not profound, and they are the two books I recommend most to colleagues and clients.

His "Warren G. Harding Effect," from Blink, which demonstrates the often overwhelming power of trappings, has found its way into every one of my speeches and presentations this year.

Yep, Gladwell's back online after an 11-month absence. Yay! In his latest piece for the New Yorker, where he's been on staff for years, Gladwell once again takes a deep dive, this time into the strange business of FBI serial killer profiling.

Why the 11-month hiatus? Gladwell says it was "to work on my new book." NEW BOOK!

What I can't believe is that his first two books are still on many major bestseller top 10 lists, over five years after The Tipping Point was first published!

Gladwell.com

Influence for Financial Industry Professionals

From OnWallStreet, a monthly newsletter+magazine targeting the financial advisor community, comes this interview with Dr. Cialdini. It provides a fantastic overview of Cialdini's 6 Principles of Persuasion and how they apply to financial advisors and planners (full disclosure: I have been working with a major financial institution for the past 3 months and I am totally convinced that if there is one industry that can benefit from a better understanding of influence and persuasion, the financial services sector is it!).

My favorite quotation from the article is by Dr. Cialdini himself, and it underscores why the principles are such a critical thinking tool:

"Very few [people] ask, 'When is it wise for another person to say yes to my request?' But if we ask in terms of the wisdom of being persuaded, of choosing to be persuaded, each of the six principles becomes a reason why it would be wise to say yes."

If you're new to the principles, it may help to know that none other than Charlie Munger, Vice-Chairman of Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway, has for years been recommending Cialdini's groundbreaking book, The Psychology of Persuasion, to literally everyone who will listen. In fact, Mr. Munger gave a copy to every single attendee at a speech at Harvard recently, along with this admonition:

"And if you have half as much sense as I think you do, you will immediately order copies for all of your children and several of your friends. You will never make a better investment."

Read the OnWallStreet article here