The Science of Relationships

Can scientific study of marriage teach us how to improve our business relationships?

In the December, 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review, Diane Coutu interviews psychologist John Gottman, whose systematic research and analysis of married couples has provided hard scientific evidence for what makes good relationships.

What he has discovered is that if you want a relationship to blossom and endure over time, then you'll need to demonstrate respect and focus on the positive qualities of the other party. In the workplace, that means working on the social glue that keeps relationships strong. As Gottman says, "within organizations, people have to see each other as human beings."

What must you avoid? Gottman refers to them as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. These four factors are the best predictors of a deteriorating relationship. Why? Because they communicate disgust.

Gottman continues: "You can’t resolve a conflict with your partner when you’re conveying the message that you’re disgusted with him/her. Inevitably, contempt leads to greater conflict and negativity. Our research also shows that people in contemptuous relationships are more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses—flu, colds, and so on—than other people. Contempt attacks the immune system; fondness and admiration are the antidotes."

Read the Executive Summary here.